Confused and Pondering Life

Religion and spirituality. My husband and I were discussing our faith earlier, more like questioning it. We were both raised in Christian households and have grown up believing in the Christian beliefs and that there is a God. Having a child brings to question, how do we want our daughter to be raised? My husband claimed that he won't be attending church with us because he doesn't like it and is unsure of it. That is about how it was with my childhood--mom and children went to church, dad attended occasionally. My original response was of course you're coming! When he asked why, I didn't really have an answer. During my adulthood, I have always said that I believe in God and the Christian ways, but do not feel that you need to go to church to believe. Church is a place for people to get together and worship, but some people may like to worship on their own. There are so many aspects about religion that confuse me. My husband and I agree that we are both definitely spiritual, but are we still religious? Which made me wonder, if I hadn't been taught to fear God would I still believe? I can hardly say out loud that life has made me question my beliefs without feeling like a terrible person. I believe that there is an afterlife and that there is meaning to life, but past that what religion do my beliefs fit into? I told my husband that maybe we should teach our daughter about many religions and let her decide for herself. Who knows if that's what we will do, but it sounds like a good plan at the moment. On the other hand, I really want to instill in her the Christian beliefs and traditions that I grew up with. But why? Is it only because of family tradition and good childhood memories? I think I may need to go on a path of discovery to see what I still believe and where my husband and I fit religiously. I took a what belief are you quiz on beliefnet (for fun and curiousity) and it said that I am a spiritual straddler, with one foot in traditional religious beliefs (Christian for me) and one foot in free form spiritual beliefs. Raising a child involves many important decisions, but I feel which faith to raise them in is quite possibly the most important of all. Am I only Christian because I was raised to be? Is that what I want for our daughter? I know I want her to believe in a higher power, but does it matter what kind?

Also, why do such terrible things happen in life? When I ask myself this, my answer doesn't even include God. I think it's because the human mind becomes so twisted due to genetics and messed up upbringings. Does that mean I believe more like scientists? No. I don't know what to believe. And why do people say God doesn't care what religion you believe as long as you believe there is a God. And does that mean that people who were not raised to believe are going to hell? That doesn't seem right. They weren't even given an opportunity. Yes, that is why people go on missions to "save" those lost souls, but what about all the people that still were never taught? Isn't there such a thing as being naive and innocent? And why do people baptise babies? For fear that if the child were to die that he/she would still go to heaven? That doesn't seem right either. Again, babies and young children do not have the ability to believe yet. What kind of God would punish these young souls just because their parents had made the decision not to baptise?

I have so many questions to which there is no one answer. Depending on someone's religious beliefs would determine their answer. I feel I mostly still believe in the Christian way. I know I still enjoy hearing of others' belief and don't find myself questioning their proclaimed faith, but does that still mean I believe...or just that I WANT to believe? This is where I am now. Left confused and pondering the most powerful questions in life. Religion and spirituality.